I Can't Draw

Closest thing I ever did to "art" was a stick figure comic I did in middle school. The jokes were crude and juvenile, and the art -- and my free time -- was such that I could knock one page out every day, usually while in my algebra class. I had a few people who read them regularly, but usually because they sat at my table. Sometimes, they'd remark on a particular panel and say something to the effect of, "For a stick dude, this looks pretty good." I'd smile awkwardly -- I've never been good at responding to praise -- and keep writing. I did this for about four months.

I reached a point where I wanted to draw something that didn't look like ass, but when I started to actually try at drawing, I found that I couldn't do it. Perspective of any kind eludes me entirely; I can draw cartoon profiles and top-down views competently, but I struggle with anything else. When I saw that I had no concept of how to draw, I quickly gave up any interest I had in the subject.

And I regret it quite a bit. I see so many artists that aren't professional post some amazing things online and I wonder how they did it. I wish I could be like them. I wonder what would've happened if I hadn't given up, and maybe tried to actually get better at it. Like most people who consider themselves "creative-types," I think that I've come up with something that deserves to be on paper, but I can't do it. I'm consistently jealous of anyone who can draw, ink, and color their own work. It perpetually astounds me.

I know that my skill lies in writing (if it lies in anything at all), but writing can be such a boring skill. When you're a good artist, it shows. You can show anyone something you've drawn and they can immediately make a basic assessment, because art's appeal is immediate. The best of the best clearly outshine the crap.

People can recognize great writing, sure, but it's much more difficult. For one, if I end up writing for a living, it'll be in English, which means my parents will never be able to fully understand what I do or how I do it. This also means that it's more difficult to point out areas that need and improving. You have to learn certain rules. Those exist in art as well, but a rule comes with a clear-cut visual representation, most of the time, whereas some composition rules can be difficult to sift through.

When I took my Creative Writing class last semester, I kept telling myself that the things they were teaching me didn't apply to me as much because I was a visual storyteller. If I ever actually committed myself to writing a story, it'd be a comic, a movie, or a game. Because that's the way I think. Visually. I could very well get an artist to do the actual art for me, but It wouldn't be the exact way I had it planned. Perfectionist that I am, I'd hate that. I'd hate it even more when their version of my idea was better than mine. Which means I might be stuck with stick figures for a long time.